3 Creative Ways to Spend Time With Your Kids During Coronavirus

My family has gone through many changes since the Coronavirus hit.  The question hits me time after time: “Now, what do we do?”  We’re not supposed to go anywhere, but there’s a 3-year-old bouncing around the house and having trouble sleeping at night. This is an enormous problem because I am done parenting for the day when my kids are asleep.  No rest for them equals no rest for my wife and I.  It’s time to get creative with our kids and push the limits.

3 creative ways to spend time with your children during the Coronavirus are performing fun at home science experiments and crafts , block out time for creative play, and share memories from your life with your children.

Science Experiments and Crafts

There are a ton of free and exceptional things to do around your house.  Everyone could learn to make invisible ink. Kids love homemade Playdough and are inept at making dinosaur sculptures until you masterfully teach them.  You could pick up a $.99 bottle of pop and some Mentos at the grocery store and teach them about volcanoes while they decorate one. The recipes for these experiments are on Google.

Kids are a brilliant excuse for doing things you want to do, but you question if it is inappropriate for you as an adult.  I miss felt coloring posters personally. It’s time to buy one of those again for my kids and I. Don’t forget about painting. It is often a cheap yet entertaining endeavor.

Creative Play Time Blocking

Time blocking is important. It is a powerful skill to use with children. A mission of mine is to educate dads that they can duplicate their practices at work with their family.  It’s imperative to allow time for creative play without distraction.  

There is a difference between typical play and creative play.  Creative play uses more energy and involves learning a new skill.  Kids love to replay games.  There is a way to honor this and create fresh games along the way. I recommend twisting familiar games into imaginative ones and watch your kids adapt. It is mentally exhausting and healthy for them to engage these behaviors. 

We have a game called the sleeping game where they use an electronic book’s noises to knock me out and wake me up angry depending on the noise. I will change-up the rules of the game and teach them to play this game a different way than what they’re use to. These new rules tire my children out and build up their skills of creativity.

I recommend planning the activities out in advance.  There are benefits to being prepared such as extending the time activities last and their purpose.     

Sharing Memories

There are keepsakes all over your house.  This is a perfect time to share the meaning behind these items with your children.

Kids live in the present moment, and this is an excellent way to join and bond with them. It is important to give them room to play with or view the items you show them.  Share the story behind it, or show them how to use it. Encourage your child to be creative.  

I love to watch The Land Before Time movies with my kids. I brief them on memories of growing up with the characters and how it made an impact on my life.

A warning to the wise: Young kids will want to keep the item you show them.  Choose carefully about which ones you’re comfortable seeing played with.  Kids often have the mindset that everything is indestructible!

Fun for Everyone

Science experiments, creative play, and sharing memories will bond you to your children. You will enjoy the ideas you create too.  The whole point is to expose them to fresh activities that you find entertaining.  Coronavirus sucks. It is a challenge that we are all facing.  The aim is to cope fantastically with this stress, even though it’s hard.  Reach out if you get stuck. ryan.plasch@discoverymentalhealth.com.

Inclusion: Lifehacks for Dads #7

Your kids want to be part of your schedule. Science tells us that younger children learn by modeling. That’s why they pick up on your bad behaviors but also they can pick up on your routine.

Do you pride yourself on how active you are? Are you the laid back type on the weekends? There is a good chance your kids will follow in your steps on how you act.

Including Children in Your Routine

I have a morning routine that I stick to regularly. I’ve been doing it for almost 90 days now. I recently discovered the joy of bringing my kids into it and they loved it. Kids want the time with you and if that’s so, why not get what you need to get done too.

Warning! this will likely lead to things getting done slowly but it is important to their development that they do these things with you.

One example is making breakfast. My toddler “makes eggs” with me by opening the fridge, pulling out the eggs, picking which eggs to make, watching me crack them into the pan (I make 1 for her) and she throws away the eggshells. She also makes and butters the toast with my help. Then she sits on my lap and we eat it together.

We both get a delicious breakfast, but also, she gets time with her daddy. I mentioned in another post that both of my girls shave their faces. I take the razor off and show them how to shave their face while I’m shaving. They love it and I get to shave my face.

I won't go over it much here but babywearing is amazing for inclusion. You can do almost everything with your infant on your back or in front of you and they totally dig it. Yes, I’ve played videogames while my baby chills with me.

Benefits

There are so many benefits. You spend time with them during the monotonous parts of your day such as preparing breakfast. They learn skills that are going to prepare them for success. It demonstrates sharing and the importance of including others in your life.

Pick some of the activities you already do and include them in it. They will be better for it.

Love: Lifehacks for Dads #6

Love is where everything comes from. Love is what brought you here and what drives your force forward. It may be weaker right now or it may be the strongest part for you. Whichever the case, it is imperative that love is included in each of the areas.

How to Show Your Love to Your Family

No, it is not true. Your family doesn’t “just know” you love them. That is one of the biggest issues I come up against when talking to men. A few steps go into this.

I would say, most importantly, you need to say it to them. Pull each member aside and remind them that you care for them deeply. It matters that you verbally say “I love you,” rather than assuming they know.

The truth of the matter is telling them you love them isn’t enough. Your actions show that you love them. To start, I want you to think about 1 large request from each family member that they have for you. Then come up with a plan for this.

My wife hates when I come home and put my bag and water bottle down on the counter. I don’t do it to be annoying, I do it mindlessly. I have now been transferring my belongings, more often than not, to the bedroom where “they belong.” This demonstrates I love her and care about her feelings of where I put my things.

Focus on the Other Attributes

By strengthening your position on all of the attributes you will be demonstrating to your family that you care for them and love them. They want to see a change in you. They want to feel loved. This is even if they are resistant to your change in behavior at first. You will need to continue doing these things in the face of adversity.

You’ve got the love. The time has come to reinforce your love for them and show them what love looks like from you. I am always here to help. Write to me if you are stuck.

Recognize: Step 1 of Lauchpad Dads Problem-Solving Strategy

LpD has a very specific method of solving problems as a dad.  The 4 R’s! They are Recognize, Reflect, Research, and “Rock-it.”

Each step will be explained so that you get the full idea behind this problem-solving method. It is important to drop your definition of the 4 R’s and focus on the LpD version of them.

Recognize

Basic but useful.  Recognize begins with you formulating ideas of what your problem may be.  A good question to ask is, “I feel down because?” “I am anxious due to?” and so forth.  Chances are you know what the issue you are dealing with is. Though, not always.

So often we are on autopilot: Point A, to Point B, to Point C, and then sleep. Right?  Psychological distress comes from the avoidance of the problem or buying into what this wonderful society tells .  It’s often exhausting the number of messages we get from society regarding our interpersonal and intrapersonal distress. It’s usually a load of bull too.  

You have to know what you are up against if you are going to work on it.  So what you want to do here is name your problem. “I am depressed.” “I am hopeless.” or “I am a confused mess.”  Slow down and examine the possible names of the problem you are having.

“I’m mad at my wife” may actually be “I’m mad at everybody” but you continue down the path that it’s your wife. If so, then:

1. This is going to cause unnecessary marital issues.

2. This problem is bigger than her and extends to multiple people in your life.  

I’m telling you.  It is important to give thought to naming your problem rather than burying your problem.  They fester in their grave. Slow down, take yourself off autopilot and think about what this key problem is.

The second step on this journey is to reflect.

The Good, The Bad, and The Dad: Pressures from Dadhood

Dad’s have it so easy. Actually they don’t. Dad pressures seep in relatively quickly once the big status change hits home. What are these pressures? Well, that’s not easily summed up in a post. But I would like to review 2 of them to get the ball rolling and get you thinking on how to improve.

Pressure 1: 2 Full Time Jobs

I commonly hear about the work pressure issues that occur. I hear dads everywhere make the mistake, including this dad writing this blog at one point, “Well honey, I’ve got to go make the money. Good luck with the house.” “If someone doesn’t make the money, Who’s going to?” Or if its a dual income home, “Well I’m dad, not mom. They want mom.”

Bubble burst right here. While your thinking process makes some sense. It still isn’t fair. Imagine going to work and never leaving. Imagine having a bed at where you work that you would sleep in and get out to start work in the morning. Or, for dual income houses, imagine going to work in the morning and then going to work at another job. 1 job is 5 days a week and the other job is 7 days a week.

THE GOOD

Parenting is like another job but its very different one. And just because it is compared to another job doesn’t mean it is horrible or it is a job you don’t like! I use this comparison to easily explain how it is seen in the eyes of your spouse. This then signifies why being a present father is so important. Many dads are proud of their family. It is important the family is shown this through action not word. Well word too, but mostly action

That right there is the pressure! How do you manage your workload and still be a present father in your family? That’s loaded but I have faith in you to ponder this and think about ways to improve. If you get stuck. Shoot me an email at ryan@marriagegeek.com.

Pressure 2: Where’s the Sex?

Sex gets complicated after child #1 pops out. What a bummer BUT! not all hope is lost. I assure you, it isn’t. I also want to point out the fact that you’re not just craving sex so stop thinking that way. Its more complex than that.

Sex is definitely part of it but when children are in the mix of your love life, it will likely decrease for awhile. Lets look at why first. Chances are Mom is stressed, Mom is fed-up, Mom is touched-out, Mom has had it, Mom wants everyone to leave her alone, Mom is tired. Also, breastfeeding has been associated with lower sex drive with women. Thanks a lot breastfeeding (its beneficial though).

I’m here to tell you that adjustment time is needed and intimacy is what you are craving more than sex. Its just we are flooded with sexuality from the media, our guy friends talk about it, and it is constantly on a dad’s mind. But you miss your wife and sex is harder to come by for an insurmountable amount of reasons like how long it takes to put the kid to bed. *Siren Blows* You’ve been blocked. Good night.

THE GOOD

Most men go into nagging mode or they go into withdraw mode and don’t talk about their feelings. Both are wrong. You want intimacy and/or sex from your wife? You’re going to need to understand what’s going on. And how do you understand it? By being a present father and husband in your family. Being emotionally available, being patient, and again talking talking talking. Its okay to have your feelings. That being said, your actions are what counts!

Don’t Nag, Don’t withdraw, fight the urge and seek connection. Be helpful and play peek a boo with your kid. Makes sense or starting to make sense? Good. Need help with this? Then reach out. I’m happy to talk.

Dad enthusiast, Dad therapist Ryan Plasch wants to be your everything dad related handbook. Contact him at ryan@marriagegeek.com

Surviving Parenthood: The Importance of Self Care

I have just reached six years of being a father. I have 2 wonderful daughters who I dearly love.  It has been a chaotic and beautiful journey and an endless teacher of life.  I wanted to take a moment to explore the importance of consciously, and I mean “in your face” consciously, caring for yourself.

Woohoo, Parenthood is Awesome

Being a parent is truly a gift.  But problems come when you lose control of your role in the family or in your life.  This takes the form of parent burnout, work burnout, ugly and longstanding disagreements with your beloved when you feel the kids don’t ever listen and you're stressed about it, and a whole host of other troubles you just want to be over.

I’ve been there and likely will be there again next week.  This culture of ours doesn’t make it easy to be a wonderful parent and it is our responsibility to work through this and be one despite the challenge. That’s where parent self-care comes into the fold.

Self care isn’t always easy

Do not fool yourself into believing self care is this glamorous concept all of the time.  It isn’t.  Like other “fun” areas of life, we have to work at it.  Ask yourself these questions

1.   What is my personal definition of self care and what are the activities I enjoy doing?

2.   Am I currently connected with the activities that help me?

3.   What can I do for myself right now or the next day?

4.   What needs to be sacrificed for the greater good of my mental health?

I have to be honest here.  I fail pretty hard at self care and I cringe when I ask these questions to myself.  This, in turn, leads to me letting down my loved ones at times.  The important thing to remember is circling back to self care.  There are going to be days when nothing goes right and that’s when these important questions come to the fore.  Here’s an example of how I would answer them.

1.  Self care is a process of doing activities for myself that helps to relive my often abundant level of stress.  For me this includes going for walks, reading memoirs or fiction, meditating, studying therapy, and other forms of various media such as shows, movies, games.  Also, sleep. Although, I am often a night owl and I enjoy the house when its quiet.

2. I am not currently doing many of the activities listed above.  Especially sleep.  I have been missing out on a ton of it unfortunately and its my own fault.  Just being honest with myself.  I have been watching shows alone but this tends to keep me up later and awake longer when trying to fall asleep.  I really miss reading. I just feel so distracted and busy.

3. Sleep.  I need to go bed at a decent time.  Also, instead of going on social media at night, I need to catch up with my newest book from Yalom.  I think I need to spend the next week prioritizing and early bed time and reading at night. Also, I should try to meditate just before bed. Regardless, I need sleep tonight, I need to read my book tonight, and I need to meditate.

4.  My sacrifices to accomplish this self-care plan are many.  I am a night owl and do my best thinking at night.  Plus it’s my only alone time after working until 5p or 5:30p, spending time with the girls until about 8p, and watching shows with my wife until 9p.  I will have less alone time that I need to unwind.  However, I will have some alone time.

You get the drift.  The 4th question on sacrifice helps you to be conscious of what your self care plan will interfere with so you are not blind-sighted by it and can plan accordingly.  For me, I may want to ask my wife for us to do our own thing at 8p instead of spending time together for a night.  Another idea is I could ask for an hour after work to relax while giving her an hour, after or before, to balance it out before the girls go to sleep.

Is that all…?

Planning out self care can be a stressful task but following through with the plan is where rewards are gained  Also, it is important to put it out there that certain circumstances will happen in life making self care extremely difficult to come by.  These occur typically when major life transitions happen such as the birth of a child, a new job, the loss of a loved one, or crippling medical or mental health symptoms.  The important thing to remember is not to feel guilty about not taking adequate care of yourself but to COME BACK to self care.  It will always be calling your name so listen for it.